Lux Aeterna
by emeralddusk
Summary: Nothing can change the fact that he's gone. Nothing can make this right.


Lux Aeterna

Chapter One: Birth

_We stand in the rain; thousands of icy beads of water pour down on our bodies. My hair is soaked to my head and neck, but I don't feel cold. Staring into his eyes, I feel warm all over my body. My hands are received by rays of sunlight, even in this dark afternoon veil of shadows. His body, although it's naturally cool, seems to hold all the heat I'll ever need. Soon, my hands move away from his neck and around his waste, just as his have been. Our eyes are closed; I can feel it. My breath is slow, but I feel it so deeply. My heart pounds, just like his. They always said they didn't have hearts to beat or thunder like his...but they were wrong. Our lips draw closer; mine lightly part as I lift my head up. I have no idea what his are doing; that single heir of mystery entices me every time. As we dance our sacred dance, we soon find ourselves colliding; enlocked in a blissful kiss that stabs at the darkness around us. I breathe into him, and he breathes into me. It's true beauty; not temporary. Not a distraction, but a truth._

_ His muscular chest presses against my breasts. A pair of strong, gentle arms surround me. I stroke his soft, auburn hair, and feel like I'm in an eternally warm ocean. He strokes my hair, not in return but as an act of passion and mystery, and I feel like fire. He feels in place: He doesn't want to run anymore. I can tell he's lost in me. That's okay; I'm lost in him as well. The rain doesn't let up, but neither of us cares. It's a blanket. Our kiss continues, and I feel my body becoming self-aware as a result of it. I don't know how his chemistry reacts, but I know he feels as blessed as I do on the inside. Neither of us can part ways; neither of us will. This is the dream: the gold the alchemists promised, the true spirit of superficial romance novels (if only the authors knew the truth), the key to happiness. The key forged in the raging fire of compassion, the happiness born in the dreams of equality, mystery, and an overall goodness that has to remain a secret to so many. As our kiss ends, we stare into each others eyes. My green eyes glisten, as do his breath-taking golden eyes. For what feels like an eternity, we are one in a heavenly bond; the eyes are the windows of the soul, and our souls were as one._

Laying alone in my bed, I remember those days; those sweet, dead memories with Edward. Clad in my panties and t-shirt, I roll onto my side in bed, trying to stimulate myself with his memory. Sweat trickles down my forehead, nearly blinding me. The savage pleasure is an insult to everything I ever felt with him. My lower body contracting, I force myself forward, gasping for air as ecstasy consumes me. My eyes are tightly shut as my mouth is gaped open. At the ascent of climax, I beg for Edward to be there to meet my lips. At the fall of ending, I feel myself crying. I'm not a child; I'm not supposed to cry like this anymore...but I miss him so badly it hurts.

Allowing the cool water to wash down my face and hair, I slowly bring myself back to reality. Edward has been gone for three months, and I haven't moved on. I still dream of the two of us together, and then wake up in tears. I don't need someone in my life; I need to love under my own power. Now, I have nothing. Covering my breasts, I feel those beads of rain again. But this time, I am cold and naked and alone. A storm is coming, but I'm not capable of caring. My fingers are discolored and numb in the cold. Reynods is burning in my toes and fingers, sending my entire body spiraling into darkness once again. I am numb.

The crash; the days of loneliness going unrecognized; the words and days that bled together around me; living in unhappiness; thinking it was all normal. I have to see it all so vividly. Then, I see the first ray of sunlight piercing the darkness of my life; I see Edward stopping the car: the metal door impacting and imploding around his powerful hand, the look of passionate determination in his wonderful eyes, and the pounding of my heart throughout it all.

I remember kissing him, holding him, praying it would all last forever. Now, I wish I had never met him; wish I never had to feel what I felt when I was with him. I know all I could ever do was betray what we had together. I still love him, and I always will, but nothing can change the fact that he's not here. He's never coming back, and neither am I...

_Addicted by Kelly Clarkson_

_Incomplete by the Backstreet Boys_

_Rescue Me by Daughtry_

_Capital M-E by Taking Back Sunday_

_World So Cold (piano version) by Three Days Grace_

_Call Me When You're Sober by Evanescence_

_All Around Me by Flyleaf_

_The Bottom by Staind_

_A Year Without Rain by Selena Gomez_

_Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park_


End file.
